The XYZ Files  

Page 4


Both he and Henry's Cat got their van, which was like a TV van. As they drove around they got signals on the TV screen showing little blips coming from the microchips. As the blips got bigger and bigger they knew that they were getting closer to the aliens. Soon the blips were so large they knew that they must be right next to the alien's house. They got out of their van and crept up to the house, which was on top of a bicycle shop. The shop was closed but there was a back entrance. They went round and climbed over the fence and looked in the windows. They could see all the aliens talking and laughing as they watched TV and all the traffic confusion they had caused. They were talking in a funny language which is like ordinary language only upside down. Henry's Cat put on his automatic translator headphones so he could her what they were saying. Chris Rabbit was writing it down as Henry's Cat told him.

They were both so busy that they did not see an alien come out to put the cake wrapping in the dustbin. As soon as the alien saw them he shouted out for his friends and they all appeared very quickly. Henry's Cat and Chris Rabbit were caught and taken into the house and tied up. They talked to themselves in their funny language not knowing that Henry's Cat had his translator headphones on because aliens can't wear headphones with backward ears. Aliens thought that Henry's Cat and Chris Rabbit were burglars trying to break into the bicycle shop and steal bicycle pumps and things for mending punctures. Then one alien thought that that they might be window cleaners who had forgotten their ladder.

The head alien said "Let's take them back to our star. We can use them to experiment on."

Everyone agreed to that. They all went down to the bicycle shop, which was really a space ship. They all put on special space helmets that looked like bicycle hats. Then they pulled the shutters down on the front of the shop so that no one would see the space ship taking off.

Once they had left earth they headed back for their own star which was called Vrerp, and sounded like a rude noise. The star was about two million light years away and took over three hours to get to.

When they landed they were taken blindfolded to a special building and locked up. Soon an alien came in and looked at them very carefully like a doctor does. He checked their tongues and eyes and ears. When he saw that they had false backward ears on he realised they were spies. He ran out and brought in a lot of other aliens. They were astonished. The chief alien then said:

"They are spies. What are we going to do with them?"

Another alien said, "I know. We will test out our food on them to see how they react."

All the aliens agreed that this was a good idea. They then brought in what looked like lemonade and cakes for Henry's Cat and Chris Rabbit to eat. When they tasted them the food was awful. It tasted like burnt rubber filled with sawdust and old banana peel. Both of them spat it out. Henry's Cat said:

"No wonder they come to earth for food. This is the most awful stuff I have ever tasted!"

Chris Rabbit then said:

"Yes, if someone taught them to cook properly they wouldn't need to come to earth in the first place."

Well, that gave Henry's Cat an idea.

"I know, let's teach them how to cook, then perhaps they will leave us alone."

"A good idea" said Chris, "but how are we to tell them."

"That's easy" said Henry's Cat.

"All I have to do is switch my translator from listen to talk. When it's on 'listen' I can hear what they are saying, but when I switch it to 'talk' anything I say is translated to their language."

He then switched it on to 'talk' and started to speak.

The aliens were very surprised to hear Henry's Cat talking to them in their own language. He said:

"We come in peace. We mean no harm to you. The reason we came to your house was to show you how to cook nice cakes. If you let us free we will make you some very nice food."

The aliens looked at each other not sure of what to do. Then the chief said:

"He speaks our language. We must give him a chance. If he helps us we will be saved. If he is fooling us then he will have to eat everyone's leftovers for two years."

The chief alien then sent for their cook who took Henry's Cat and Chris Rabbit to the kitchen. It was filled with all sorts of strange foods that they had never seen before.

Henry's Cat didn't need to know what the food was. All he needed to do was to smell it and taste it to see what it was like. There was some green gooey stuff that smelt like cheese and tasted like strawberry jam. That was perfect for curried ice-cream salad. Then there was brown liquid that tasted a bit like vinegar mixed with coca-cola. Also some blue powder that smelt just like vanilla sausages. And tins of tasty red chunks that tasted of fishy jelly babies. It was not long before Henry's Cat had sorted out just which foods go with which and had a beautiful meal ready for the aliens. At first they were a bit suspicious, but when they tasted it the food was so good they couldn't stop. Henry's Cat had to keep making more and more. Soon they were so full that they all fell asleep. Chris Rabbit whispered to Henry's Cat.

"We can escape now, they are all asleep."

Henry's Cat wasn't so sure, he said:

"But we don't know how to work the space ship, and anyway we don't know the way home from here. I have a better idea. We will persuade the aliens to take us back and then we will teach them how to cook."

Henry's Cat then shook the chief alien and said:

"I have to be getting back now because I left the bath running. When we get back I will teach you how to cook."

The chief alien thought that was a very good idea, and they were soon on their way. Then Henry's Cat had a brilliant idea.

"I know, why don't you bring your food to our cake shop and I will cook it for you if you promise not to give our Prime Minister indigestion any more."

The chief alien talked to the other aliens and they agreed. Then they all set off home. It was not long before the aliens had put all the road signs back right, made the traffic lights work, and took the cuckoo clock out of Big Ben. The Prime Minister was very pleased. All the newspapers had headlines saying 'Prime Minister is cured of indigestion' and went on to say how Henry's Cat's heroic deal with the aliens had saved the world.

Not only was Henry's Cat very pleased with the results, his cake shop became the most famous one in Britain. The aliens popped in once a week to pick up their cakes and sometimes get their laundry done, and Henry's Cat used to drop into Vrerp on Saturday afternoons sometimes.

Suddenly, Henry's Cat burped. He woke up. It had all been a dream, and he had got indigestion himself while sleeping.

"Oh, what a pity it wasn't true. I would have like to travel in outer space."

But as he was saying that he felt his tummy rumble again.

"Well, there's an inner space, and that's an empty tummy. It must be time for a little snack again."

The End

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